My Descent Story
My Descent Story
There was a time, many decades ago, I would have said “I’ve done it all, I’ve really lived”!!
Even with young kids in tow.
I had always said yes to life when it came knocking.
I’d said yes to travel, to adventures, to living overseas. I said yes to more than one “once in a lifetime love affair”.
I had also experienced my fair share of darkness and trauma.
If I didn’t know better, at the time, I’d have said I had taken numerous trips to the Underworld and popped back up again by sheer force of will. Proud of my inner strength.
Then, in 2012, amongst all of the other evolutionary and energetic shifts in the collective, Pluto crossed my ascendant and I was thrust into the biggest Underworld initiation of my life. This time it was for real. It came by way of devastating, life shattering news. Like many Underworld Initiations do.
On the floor of my new kitchen, in a strange place, with no family, and very few friends, I faced the first gate of the Underworld.
I remember the thrust of the Underworld’s Invitation. It blotted out my vision with bright yellow sparks. I couldn’t make out the edges of the room.
I felt my DNA shifting and rearranging. I knew nothing would ever be the same.
I didn’t have the strength to scrape myself off the floor this time.
My husband came home from work and moved me to our bedroom.
For days I stared at the ceiling fan, round and round it went.
I couldn’t shower. I couldn’t eat. I could hardly see.
Almost a week later, my very exasperated man, finally sat down on the bed beside me, and tried to muster all of the empathy he could…
“You need to get up. Our kids need you, I need you. It’s been a week. That’s enough.”
I remember thinking, “I have four kids. They do need me. There is no one else here to help with them. He has to work. I do need to get it together”.
So I tried to swallow all my pain. Stuffed myself into shape that just didn’t fit anymore, and kept going.
Never fully crossing the threshold of that First Gate.
I held an enormous amount of resentment that I hadn’t been able to fall apart. That I had to carry on in that rigid old shape that didn’t fit anymore. I also had convinced myself, I didn’t have any other choice. It was a matter of survival.
And so, I got sick.
Chronic pain set it. My appendix got infected. It would leak into my body, and it would patch itself up with scar tissue.
A very apt metaphor, for what I had done on the outside.
I went on this way for almost three years as my life slowly fell apart. The more it fell apart, the more tightly I gripped.
It was like trying to empty water from a sinking boat…
Because, when the “deity” of the Underworld calls you, she will not be denied.
She requires nothing but full submission to the dismantling.
We cannot “will” ourselves out of an Underworld encounter once the Gates open.
We can try. We can resist with all of our might. But eventually she will have her way with us…. even if it’s years later.
In my practice, I can’t tell you how many clients I meet who are living in this precise location. ‘it’s a matter of survival”.
It’s a common theme that we scrape at the edges of the tunnel on our way down.
Throw our arms and legs out to the sides to keep us from plunging into the deep abyss.
Try to hold on to some semblance of our old life. The “safe, the familiar”
Because descent feels so utterly dangerous, most of us aren’t well equipped to shadow dance with the unknown.
And we have “responsibilities”. Life dictates that we keep it together.
Our paradigm insists that “loosing it” is for weak people.
The Western Paradigm tells us to achieve, and then maintain. I believe the “maintain” part is hurting so many of us.
This orientation of gripping onto the known, only leads too more destruction in its power-over stance. It’s utterly paralyzing. Stasis sets in as we fight against the downward pull.
I needed to find a way to give myself permission to finally let go and fall into the groundless place below.
It would have been really helpful to have a map, or a guide. To know and understand what was happening to me.
To have been told of the miraculous gift that awaited on the other side.
That allowing the Underworld to have it’s way with me would give me an incredible amount of Power and Freedom. The kind that can only be forged in the Dark.
That the flames of the Underworld would strip everything that was untrue from my life, and leave me with just “me”. Weightless. Liberated from the heaviness of outdated identities, and ego attachments that had left me in so many codependent contracts with suffering that I wasn’t even conscious of
In a special transmission, I’m going to give you my map. And tell what I’ve learned about being called to the underworld. I am also going to discuss the Deeper Connection to the Venus Mysteries.
April 25th 4:00 pm Est.
To learn more about the Venus Underworld Initiation or to sign up and begin your journey today… click the button below.
